My Planned Parenthood Story

 

"It's all too much."

My late maternal grandmother used to say this regularly. She loved politics and gossip and pontificating and ruminating, and it was basically impossible to get though any discussion without hearing it more than once. I say it quite often myself, and when we say it now my mom and sisters can't help but chuckle to ourselves: "She was right. It just really is all too much."

I wrote a little about Caitlyn Jenner. It was less about her and more about how the event impacted my family's ability to communicate effectively about our perspectives. We learned a lot, and our points of view are only a little different.

I wrote nothing about same sex marriage. I claim non-conformity on that one. No rainbow or papal flag on my profile pic. I'm going with the power of the pause on this issue, a technique touted by a number of Catholic orders and other religious traditions. It's a deliberate "we'll see." I have a number of concerns, but you know, we'll see. I have a daughter in a Catholic college, and if legal ramifications threaten the orthodoxy of the college..... and pause. We'll see.

But I will write a little about Planned Parenthood. I have a personal story here, and it's one that has impacted many decisions in my life.

Story One

 

 As a young teenager, I used to babysit for a family down the street. They were a nice family and I always appreciated the money. ($2/hour was a lot then.) One of the best things about it was the referrals. This neighbor told many of her friends about me, and I was able to branch out and do quite a lot of babysitting for other families. Through these referrals, I met the Jones family. (No, of course that's not their real name.)

I loved them. I LOVED them. The mom was SUCH a cool mom, the two kids adored me and the dad was great too. The oldest child once gave me a little stuffed duck literally named "I love Katie." I did long-term jobs over vacations and summers, and I even went on a trip with them once to watch the kids in the hotel. (I was 15 and this was SUCH a treat!) Mrs. Jones took me shopping and we had quality "girls time." I referred my best friend to them once and she babysat for them too. Mrs. Jones was attentive and gushed over us. Some of my siblings babysat for them too; so really, the Joneses became a big part of our lives. When Mrs. Jones got a full time job, she asked me if I could be available for a more regular arrangement one summer. It was a lot of work, so I figured I'd better ask my mom about the schedule. I was still dancing about 20 hours per week and wasn't in school for the summer, but I wasn't sure I could balance it.
So I asked her....

Story Two

 

My dad was once the President of Arizona Right to Life. I can't remember if my mom served a term too, or if she was a Vice President or something, but they were both heavily involved with the organization. It was in the mid-eighties I think, and my older sister and I have many memories of stuffing thousands of letters in thousands of envelopes for AZRTL and making "Stop Abortion" and "Abortion Stops a Beating Heart" signs. We had people at our house painting signs and for meetings. We stood in front of abortion clinics with our signs, attended conventions, and there were always fetal models about the house showing the scale of a developing baby. That 10-week model was my favorite. So tiny, and so perfect. I also knew that my parents had bone-chilling stories to the eavesdropping kid: stories about what you find in trash cans in the alleys behind abortion clinics.

As children, we were educated about the abortion process and the burgeoning big business of abortion. We also did work for the Aid to Women Centers. I believe my parents were careful with making sure we did not harshly judge or harbor anger toward mothers who might abort; our focus was to raise awareness about the life inside of them, no matter how it got there, and to educate the public about non-abortive services which would help a mother with pre- and post-natal care and parenting or adoptive support. I knew from a very young age that I would never view abortion as a way out, much less the only way out of an unwanted pregnancy. I knew the difference between a Planned Parenthood and a Crisis Pregnancy Center too.

Then a Crossroad 

 

 So I asked my mom about the babysitting schedule:
"Mrs. Jones got a job and needs me to babysit more this summer."
"Oh. What kind of job is she doing?"
"She's a counselor at Planned Parenthood." (pause.) "But she says she knows how I feel about abortion and she doesn't counsel anyone to get one hardly ever. She does other counseling stuff and helps women who need medical care."

This is the part that I know now, as a mother of a teenage daughter, must have been a defining moment for my mom.  I honestly thought my little explanation would be enough. 
Guess what she said...
She said no.
It was a super duper quadruple no. Under no circumstances whatsoever would I be allowed to babysit for her, at all, maybe ever again.
I was positively dumbfounded. I demanded to know: "Why not??? She said she doesn't counsel for abortions! I need the babysitting money and her kids love me! Why can't I do it? It doesn't make any sense! Are you kidding me? I can't babysit for them ever at all? How am I going to tell them that?" I'm sure I told her how unfair and dumb it all was.

But she explained...actually BOTH my parents intervened to explain this to me. I could not in good conscience work for them. She worked for a business that not only performs abortions, but consistently lobbies for unrestricted access to abortion at any time even up to the day before birth. They lobby against waiting periods, against informed consent, against parental consent, against spousal consent, etc. I can't make a sign and stand in front of a clinic on the weekend, and then babysit for a worker at that same kind of clinic during the week. It's a matter of principle. My actions had to match my principles, otherwise my principles are rendered meritless.

But.
But.
But.

I was so mad. So so so mad.

Eventually, I got it.  I mulled it over and over and eventually conceded that they were right. I pretty much hated that I decided they were right. Ultimately, I was able to separate the situation from just my parents. It wasn't just that my parents were my parents and I had to do what they said and they had a good point. I began to own it. I realized this was a line in the sand moment, and I had a chance to act on it. I could explain the reason I can't work for them, and hope that they would understand.

Truly, I don't remember the rest. I know we tried to compromise and say I could babysit for them as long as Mrs. Jones wasn't at work, but that didn't last. It wasn't long before we had no relationship at all any more. My best friend still worked for her, and I was jealous. Why didn't my friend's parents have the same problem with it? My friend thought the whole thing was really dumb, and it was hard to remain convicted.

But I did stay convicted. And the lesson was bigger than a single issue. I learned to put my money where my mouth is. Even if I'm not very vocal about an issue, I at the very least have to conduct my life in a way that is consistent with what I claim to espouse.

This is something my parents and Mrs. Jones taught me. Even if the PP organization provides other necessary services (which women can access at plenty of other places, including Crisis Pregnancy Centers and Community Health Centers) they are not absolved from their agenda. If maybe as much as 92% of pregnancy services at Planned Parenthood consists of abortive services, it's not hard to see what their agenda is. Here's a look at what defunding Planned Parenthood might mean.

In the meantime, my grandma was right.
The social wars are too much. (That doesn't mean I want to opt out of speaking up, I just don't document my every reaction in this blog or on FB.) The debate is too much. The partisan politics is too much. The spin doctors are too much. The inhumanity is too much. Millions of lives lost to abortion is too much. For the post-abortive mother or father, one abortion is too much. For Planned Parenthood, one illegal transaction of harvested baby organs should be too much.