I Blog Because I'm Actually Kind of a Horrible Person Sometimes

I blog because on the outside, in real life, I'm polite. Usually. I do a lot of entertaining of other people's whims and listening to other people's stories. I try to be genuinely concerned for why people do, say, and think what they do, and I know I don't always have the whole story from other people. I try to reserve judgment and believe people do the best they can. I nod my head in agreement or give a little wince if I don't like something someone said, but I have to feel there's a lot at stake before I will be too contrary out loud. I am a terrible liar and my face will give me away if I disagree with a thing, but I won't always open my mouth and pour forth details. I used to share more of my opinions out loud, but blah blah blah I'm 40 and I know I don't know it all. (shhh. yes I do. just kidding, not really, well maybe) But if I could take out my filter, I could say a lot that's not always very nice. I blog when I don't want to be politically correct, and/or smart, and/or funny, and/or sensitive, et cetera, et cetera.

I have also learned a thing or two about degrees of self-disclosure. The people to whom we disclose the most tend to be our closest family and friends. Not ALL family and friends, just a few. The list of people with whom I will disclose the most has very purposefully changed and shortened over the years. I'm okay with that, but since I work from home and don't "dish" much, I vent here. I can't exactly come home from the park and tell my three year old that other mothers of other three year olds drive me up a freaking wall sometimes, and I can't tell my 10-year old that I met another mom at the park today who was so snobbish and rude that I almost actually told her so. I can't tell my 14-year old son about how I cried reading the lyrics to a song I sang to his older sister today, and I can't tell my 16-year old all my fears about how I may have failed her.

Basically, I blog because I just want to ditch the filter and kvetch about stuff. Maybe I am, deep down, a horrible rotten person who just wants to say mean things sometimes. And if I just can't bring myself to be really mean, which I can't and won't, then my goal is to at least find some humor about whatever it is.

I don't give two figs if nobody ever reads my little temper tantrums. I don't blog to willfully inspire anyone. But if someone somewhere laughs a little at what I write, or relates a little to anything I've done or written, then I think that's pretty swell.